Barry O For President 2012

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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Missle Defense

Posted by Barry O Thursday, September 17, 2009, under | 5 comments

You may have heard that I "rolled over" for Russia regarding the missiles we were going to place in Poland and the Czech Republic. Nothing could be further from the truth. Feeling the need to defend myself, I offer up the details on the meeting were we made this historic decision.

I remember it as though it was yesterday. I had a feeling that it was going to be a special day- you know that feeling you get where your stomach is feels like you had just been kicked by a mule? You know, the feeling when your "special uncle" invites you to look for the candy cane in his pocket. Ahh youth.

Anyway, I digress. I rolled into the office early- at about noon and rousted Rahm out of my desk chair. I noticed in the calendar that it was about to be the anniversary of the 1939 Soviet invasion of Poland. Cheese and Crackers! That's something we need to commemorate! I asked Rahm what the most notable result of the war was, you know besides all the death and destruction. He said "The was notable for the utter subjugation and humiliation of Poland."

That's hard to top, so we decided to call in some help, an the next day Vlad Putin showed up to bounce some ideas off of us.

"Good Morning to you, Comrade Americans." Vlad said he likes to call us that because since Bush left it's like he has won the cold war for the Motherland. I'm not sure what he means by that, but he always looks so happy when he says it, that I never ask. "How can I be helping you?" he quickly added.

"Well Vlad-" Vlad quickly cut me of "Excuse a moment, please..." He then picked up a chair and hit Geithner over the head with it. Geithner was lying on the ground twitching, and Rahm looked a little uncomfortable. Beating Geithner with a chair is usually his job, after all.

"Ahh Vlad," I said, "Tim may not have liked that..."

"Look at your Wall Street Journal, you should be thanking me!" bellowed Vlad in that thick, throaty voice that makes all the commissars swoon. Since I had looked at the Wall Street Journal that day, I had to concede the point to Vlad. Tim's eyes rolled back into his head as we continued the conversation.

"Is Poland you wish to commemorate, yes?" asked Vlad.

"Yes- they are an important ally- at least that's what Bush said on the way out of here..."

"Let me tell you, the best way is a re-enactment of glorious, I mean tragic misunderstanding between peoples of Poland and mother Russia. For this, you should remove missiles defense shield from Poland.", said Putin

"Excellent! What better way to humiliate our newest friends and allies! What should we expect from you, in return Vlad?"

"I will be selling many new weapons to our mutual comrade- Venezuela."

So there you have it. As you can see, I didn't roll over.


Well if you can't roll over, then at least you can "speak". (We are talking about tricks right?)

Oh, Barry O! I've heard it said that one should stick to what he knows best, and when it comes to humiliating our newest friends and allies, you certainly do that best.

From the Facebook page of Scott Ott (aka, Scrappleface):

Real Man of Genius: Today we salute you, Mr. Really Bad Nuclear Negotiator. You put our allies at risk of missile attack hoping that Russia will get tough with Iran. (Singer: It could really happen.) And you did it while Russia builds a nuke plant fo...r the Islamic Republic. (Singer: You wish upon a star.) Now Medvedev and Mahmoud know just what you're made of. (Singer: They know who wears the trousers.) So, crack open a new era of peace and prosperity Mr. Really Bad Nuclear Negotiator...and while you're at it, crack open a book on Neville Chamberlain. (Singer: Mr. Really Bad Nuclear Negotiator.)

Ananda- Welcome Back!

Joe- I can always count on you to recognize my true talents!

Doc Cold Hands. Yeah me! A theme song!

I think I believe this version of events a little too much!