Barry O For President 2012

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

An emergency meeting.

Posted by Barry O Wednesday, August 26, 2009, under | 5 comments

Sorry I haven't been posting a lot lately. If you've seen my polls, you might know the reason. It seems that, somehow, America has lost faith in me. Normally a politician would respond with clarification of existing initiatives, or a bold new direction. As you know, I am incapable of this type of thought, or indeed of making any kind of decision whatsoever. That's why Rahm called a meeting of my closest advisers. After much negotiation and pleading, my advisors allowed me to attend as well.

I was in a room with Rahm, Geithner, David Axelrod, Bill Clinton and a very special guest. Rahm quickly called the meeting to order-

"Dark forces, we are gathered here today in the service of our master, the supreme evil one. Rise Evil One! Rise!"

Just then a bubbling cauldron of God only knows what started to bubble even more. A green haze rose out of the kettle to encompass the lower three feet of the room. The lights blew out, and the room took on an ominous red glow. In a zombielike trance, all of my advisors started chanting "Clout. Clout. Clout."

Out of the cauldron rose a portly, and balding old man in a rumpled grey suit. He sneered at the assembled staff. He looked at me and laughed. He then greeted us with "You are all pathetic amateurs- you ashame me with my presence." Yep, it was Hizzoner, botched metaphors and all. Rahm had awaken Richard M. Daley from the dead, and "The Man on Five" was not pleased.
Rahm knew we wouldn't have Hizzoner's attention for long. "Dark master, we know not what to do. How can we save this administration?"

Daley glowered over us all. I'll be honest, I almost wet myself. Until now, I thought I could get by on my youthful inexperience and good looks. One thing I learned in Illinois politics is that you don't conjure up Da Mare to solve small problems. Rahm must think I am in some serious trouble." Hopefully Hizzoner could bale us out.

He looked at me and said "Even the Lord had skeptical members of His party. You on da other hand, are making skeptical members of his party." I said I didn't understand. He elaborated "Look at our Lords disciples. One denied Him; one doubted Him; one betrayed Him. If our Lord couldn't have perfection, how are you going to have it in government?"

I answered "So you are saying that I am supposed to be this screwed up? I am trying to get by on boyish charm, and it's been hell lately..."

"I know a thing or two about Hell, sonny- this ain't it. As for your problem, Good government is good politics," said Hizzoner

"So I should continue to campaign for public healthcare and everything else we can't afford?"
Daley answered "We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement." and then elaborated "we shall not be stopped."

"But Boss," I asked, "what of the Hannity's and Limbaughs- they continue to educate the American people to this Ponsi Scheme of an economy that we created?", I asked.

"They have vilified me, they have crucified me; yes, they have even criticized me." he then faded away. All traces of Hizzoner were gone, much like my backbone.

Rahm and the others snapped out of their trance, and looked frightened. "There it is." said Rahm "We stay the course on Healthcare. Just like we did with Clinton."



Three fingered pete here- Special recognition to those who can id real Daley quotes in the piece...

Oh, Barry O! Five fingered Joe, here. I wouldn't know a Daley quote from Shakespear, but that was pretty spooky.

Well, if it doesn't make sense it's probobly Daley, or the president...

Joe- All you have to do is look for the most corrupt guy in the room, and then listen to what he says!