There goes LA

I woke up in a pretty good mood today. I was even whistling "Ain't nothing gonna get me down" as walked to breakfast (Raisin Bran, but I pick out the bran). Then I saw it. The family was watching TV- and I noticed that a massive alien space ship had just obliterated the US bank building in Los Angeles. I rushed down to my secret bunker (oops, scratch one secret- or maybe 2) and called for the National Security staff.

I had kept watching TV while I waited for the staff to arrive. I bravely watched Cousin Eddie give his life to save us all. Then everyone started arriving.

"Mr. President- what happened, is it Top Korea?" Asked Hillary. I'm not sure what her problem is, but she just can't stop talking about Korea lately. Usually, I just ignore her when she goes off on this tangent. "No- it's the Aliens. I answered"

Rahm said, look we know about the aliens, you even met their ambassador. I even brought him with me after hearing the hysterical rant you left on my answering machine. Then Drooz walked in, and kicked me in the groin, as is his cultures tradition.

When I recovered. I looked nervously at Drooz. They communicate through scent and telepathy, so we had a translator. I needed to take swift action. I asked "Have your people destroyed LA?" He kicked me in the groin again. I said that he had all ready greeted me. He answered (through the interptreter) that the blow to the nards wasn’t to say hello- it was to say that I was a dumb ass. "We have not destroyed anything- yet."

I was nervous, but everyone else thought it was just Drooz being Drooz. I couldn't take that chance. I asked him what he wanted.

"Geithner alone, in the next room for 10 minutes." Rahm answered before I had a chance "Only 10 minutes? You can keep him..." Drooz cut him off and said that 10 minutes was "sufficient". Tim looked nervous, as he curled into a fetal position and started crying. We are all pretty used to seeing Geithner like that, though.

We sat in the room waiting for Tim to return. Hillary blathered on about Korea while we heard Tim interact with Drooz. Hillary stated that Top Korea's actions violated the treaty (Take my pants off? I'm not comfortable with that..."). Hillary continued that we cannot allow Top Korea to intimidate us. (That's a real big probulator, Drooz, I don't think that will work...). Hillary then said that we have to be ready to take action in the region (Oh, yeah! Spank me Daddy, SPANK ME!). Hillary stated that we needed to work with our allies and enemies alike to prevent the armistice from ending (Do you have a cigarette, Drooz, sweetie?).

Well, Geithner came back in, and Drooz beamed out. So we sat down and continued to discuss boring old Top Korea. Then something happened. You could physically see the change in Geithner. It was like a switch went off. He stood and said, "This GM thing is a real bad idea..." He even looked shocked at himself. "What about the share holders?" Then Tim got real uncomfortable. He even said "I don't know where that is coming from..." He then left to get a drink of water.

Yep, just another day in the Obama White House...

Spies in North Korea

My fellow Americans. As you know I am a globalist- our reputation around
the world is important to me. I was greatly saddened that North Korea
would accuse us of using journalists as spies. This is an unfair and
untrue accusation. To improve our standing in the eyes of the North
Koreans, I had a conversation with my intel guy. I said "Mr. Army man"-
and he cut me off. He said "Mr. President, I proudly served in the
United States Marine Corps." I answered with a legitimate question
"What's the difference?" Can you believe he gave me a 2 hour history
lesson? BORING! Anyway I decided to call him Jonesy- like the cat in
that movie about the Alien. What was that movie called, anyway?

So after my history lesson, I confronted Jonesy with the journalist
issue. I am quite protective of journalists- as they are of me. Jonesy
told me that he didn't have a list of "assets" in Korea on him. I asked
him when he could provide that list. He hedged and asked why I needed
it. I said that I had a brilliant idea.

I told Jonesy that I needed to protect all American citizens. He agreed.
I said that this includes journalists. Jonesy started to look a little
nervous. I said that the best way to ensure that our journalists are not
accused of being spies is to publish a list of our actual spies- that
way everyone will know who they are. This will keep our journalists
safe, and my reputation in tact.

General Jones answered that it might take some time to complete my
request. He said that he needs to ensure the safety of al involved. I'm
no push over though, so I pressed him for a time frame. He answered
"Well, up to 8 years, but I really hope that this becomes unnecessary in
four years."

There you have it- your president at work. Keeping journalists safe the
world over.