I need to talk to the Navy Guy...

I logged into Foxnews today, and the first thing I see is "Navy Positioning Destroyer USS John McCain to Intercept Suspect North Korean Vessel". What???

Couldn't they send another ship, I mean I used to live there. Now all that stands between the certain destruction and Obama's homeland is John McCain? Seems like there must be a lesson in there somewhere for all of us...

Clarification on Iran and nuclear power.

I wanted to explain my remarks about Iran. I recently said that Iran has the right to nuclear energy. When you take this remark in the proper context, you will see that it's not controversial at all. What I meant to say is Iran has a right to nuclear energy, just like North Korea. See, doesn't it make sense now?

There goes LA

I woke up in a pretty good mood today. I was even whistling "Ain't nothing gonna get me down" as walked to breakfast (Raisin Bran, but I pick out the bran). Then I saw it. The family was watching TV- and I noticed that a massive alien space ship had just obliterated the US bank building in Los Angeles. I rushed down to my secret bunker (oops, scratch one secret- or maybe 2) and called for the National Security staff.

I had kept watching TV while I waited for the staff to arrive. I bravely watched Cousin Eddie give his life to save us all. Then everyone started arriving.

"Mr. President- what happened, is it Top Korea?" Asked Hillary. I'm not sure what her problem is, but she just can't stop talking about Korea lately. Usually, I just ignore her when she goes off on this tangent. "No- it's the Aliens. I answered"

Rahm said, look we know about the aliens, you even met their ambassador. I even brought him with me after hearing the hysterical rant you left on my answering machine. Then Drooz walked in, and kicked me in the groin, as is his cultures tradition.

When I recovered. I looked nervously at Drooz. They communicate through scent and telepathy, so we had a translator. I needed to take swift action. I asked "Have your people destroyed LA?" He kicked me in the groin again. I said that he had all ready greeted me. He answered (through the interptreter) that the blow to the nards wasn’t to say hello- it was to say that I was a dumb ass. "We have not destroyed anything- yet."

I was nervous, but everyone else thought it was just Drooz being Drooz. I couldn't take that chance. I asked him what he wanted.

"Geithner alone, in the next room for 10 minutes." Rahm answered before I had a chance "Only 10 minutes? You can keep him..." Drooz cut him off and said that 10 minutes was "sufficient". Tim looked nervous, as he curled into a fetal position and started crying. We are all pretty used to seeing Geithner like that, though.

We sat in the room waiting for Tim to return. Hillary blathered on about Korea while we heard Tim interact with Drooz. Hillary stated that Top Korea's actions violated the treaty (Take my pants off? I'm not comfortable with that..."). Hillary continued that we cannot allow Top Korea to intimidate us. (That's a real big probulator, Drooz, I don't think that will work...). Hillary then said that we have to be ready to take action in the region (Oh, yeah! Spank me Daddy, SPANK ME!). Hillary stated that we needed to work with our allies and enemies alike to prevent the armistice from ending (Do you have a cigarette, Drooz, sweetie?).

Well, Geithner came back in, and Drooz beamed out. So we sat down and continued to discuss boring old Top Korea. Then something happened. You could physically see the change in Geithner. It was like a switch went off. He stood and said, "This GM thing is a real bad idea..." He even looked shocked at himself. "What about the share holders?" Then Tim got real uncomfortable. He even said "I don't know where that is coming from..." He then left to get a drink of water.

Yep, just another day in the Obama White House...

Korea

My national security team came to see me today. They don't visit much, so I knew it must be important. They wanted to talk about Korea.

"Did someone buy me a Hyundai"? I asked. Rahm said no. Then he punched Geithner for some reason.

"Oh I know, Hyundai is buying General Motors?" "No!" Screamed Hillary "Don't you read the papers?" She shrieked.

I answered that "Reading is not my forte." Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Mr President, North Korea-" I interrupted for some clarification. "Which one is that?"

"The one on Top." added Hillary. She was getting agitated. What had Bill done now?

She continued "Top Korea has stated it's intention to abandon the armistice that nominally ended the Korean War."

"Can't we handle it like our economy? You know, make some market negative blanket statements and then let China worry about it?"

"No Mr. President," added Hillary "you need to make a decision on how the United States will react."

I knew what I must do. I said, "I will go to the UN and address all the nations of the world. I will bravely stand before my equals and issue the statement that I built my legislative career around. I will proudly stand and state that I am 'Present'."

I knew that I had said the right thing- everyone stood around and looked awestruck. I think Hillary even had a tear in her eye.