A Greek Archbishop recently compared me to Alexander the Great. This intrigued me, and I decided to research Alexander to find out who he was. I was shocked when I found out he was a great leader! I needed to find out more, so I kept digging. I found some startling similarities:
- We both had "Parental Issues". My mother got knocked up by a complete stranger who eventually abandoned her. Alexander's mother (Cleopatra Eurydice) was Macedonian and, thus people thought that he was not the legitimate leader of the empire. There's another parallel- many people also believe that I am not a legitimate leader!
- Another strange parallels that in Alexander's time Attalus attended a the wedding of his niece, and gave a toast for the marriage to result in a "legitimate" heir to the throne. Alexander, furious, hurled his goblet at the speaker, shouting, "What am I? A bastard, then?" At the DNC, Hillary not only stated that I was the illegitimate heir to her husbands legacy, but she also called me a bastard on numerous occasions.
- When Alexander was triumphantly campaigning north, down south, the Thebans and Athenians rebelled. Just like the Blue Dog Democrats are starting to do over my spending plans!
- There's also the obvious parallel- problems with Persians. Alexander conquered them- I coddle them. Only a difference of a few letters.
As I continued my research on Alexander I found some more things that I liked. During his time, Alexander adopted some elements of Persian dress and customs at his court, notably the custom of proskynesis, a symbolic kissing of the hand that Persians paid to their social superiors. I think I'd like to bring that back into style, along with "pork pie" hats.
Lastly, Alexander had a lifelong companion named Hephaestion, the son of a Macedonian noble. I have Geithner former appointee of DNC noble (Mayor Daley).
Boy, this would make a better movie than that twilight book. What a waste of an afternoon that was.
