I always like it when Bill comes to visit- his stories about the good old days always lift my spirits. Today, though, I had a question for him. You see his wife, Hillary, really dislikes Bebe Netanyahu. I've been wondering why for a long time, and I finally feel close enough to Bill to ask.
Bill doesn't enter a room so much as he completely absorbs his surroundings. When he walks in, everyone knows that they are the center of his universe. I knew that he wouldn't knock on my door as everyone else does, he would just burst in and the fun would begin.
"HOT DOG!, did you see that sweet, sweet thing- she must be new, I don't know her!"
You mean "Millie" I said referring to our new 74 years young receptionist.
"Yeah that's her- boy I tell you, I'd tap that..."
Bill is so funny- Millie's hearing is bad, and you often have to tap her on the shoulder to get her attention. He has a wonderful way with words.
After the niceties, I got down to business. I said "Bill, I noticed that there seems to be some friction between Hillary and Bebe- I'm afraid it might affect our work in the Middle East. I don't know what this work is, but Rahm says it's important..."
Bill agreed- "It's best to follow Rahm's advice", but I knew that this time Rahm didn't know the details. So I pressed.
"Bill I need to know exactly what happened."
"Okay- I'll tell you. It was a cold Washington January- I'm not talkin' bout outside. Hillary was angry. You've seen her when she's angry, but for me she turns it up a notch higher, if you can believe it. I remember that January so well, the smell of the Cigars, the feel of her warm lips-"
"Steady Bill," I interjected- I needed him to focus.
"Ohh- right. So Hillary found out about something I did. I'm not going to mention it- it's something I'm not proud of. I could have found a much slimmer intern, but that bootie-"
"Bill!" I yelled.
"Okay, okay, you know I'm a sentimental old fool. Anyway, she found out about this thing I did, and she was MAD. I tried flowers, I tried candy- I even tried jewelry. Nothing worked. Hell, I even wrote he a poem- 'There once was girl from Park Ridge'. That didn't work either. She said she needed some space. So she told me she was going on a pilgrimage to the holy land. I thought to reflect on God and maybe to forgive me, but that's not Hill's style. She was going for revenge."
"Revenge- what did she do?"
"Well she went there to have an affair with Bebe Netanyahu. She made reservations at a hot restaurant, Orna and Ella's-"
"The one over on Shenkin street, in Tel Aviv?" I offered. It was. No doubt Sweet Potato Fritters were on the menu.
"Boy Howdy- she went all out- even made sure that the Sweet potato fritters were waiting on the table-"
I thought to myself, nothing says romance like a fritter, and let Bill continue.
"So Bebe shows up- with his wife. Hillary was livid- and embarrassed. I have to say she handled it well. It only cost 250 thousand dollars to repair the damage- that's restraint for my little bundle of Hellfire." Mrs. Netanyahu vowed never to be seen with Hill again- they still don't think she's right. Bat shit crazy is what they called her. Actually they called her "בת חרא מטורף". Which I think is bat shit crazy."
I asked Bill what was wrong. You could see that his vary soul was bathed in remorse. His only answer was "I can't believe I married her."
