Transacript of my speech to school children

I was originally going to start with this:

We live in exciting times. We make no complaints. We are used to battle, for out if it we came. We will plant our feet firmly in our earth, and no attack will move us. You will stand with me, should such a time come! You will stand before me, at my side, and behind me, holding our flags high! Let our old enemies attempt to rise up once more! They may wave their Soviet flags before us — but our flag will win the battle!

Then Rahm said he recognized it, in fact one of his hero's had used it before.
Cheese and Crackers! It's a small world! That's when I settled down and wrote this:

The one thing that we can all count on is that we are going to die. I know you are only in 1st grade, but it could happen to you. For all I know your daddy could come home ans shoot you all tonight. That would make him a Republican, and that's why I want to take away his guns. Your doctor is also probably a Republican. That's why I want to be able to tell him what he can do for you after Daddy shoots you all.

I also want you to enjoy a ride in a "green vehicle" when you are going to the hospital- it's better for the planet. Not that you'll care as you bleed out from you mean Republican daddy's gunshot wound.

Remember- Republicans are evil. If you think your mommy or daddy is a Republican call 1 800 SUCKITGOP to report them. Now lets close with the new pledge of allegiance:

I pledge allegiance,
to Obama,
and to his advisers
and for the ideals for which they stand,
One nation
under one party
With substandard health care for all
And liberty for none.

See- now was that so bad?

More on Healthcare

Yahoo ran the following fact check on something I said. First here is Yahoo's version:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Barack Obama has indicated a willingness to drop a government-run health care plan from any overhaul. The White House says that's
not a shift. Actually, it is.

Fierce proponents of a government-run health plan for months, Obama and senior administration officials, bowing to pressure from Republicans and skeptical voters, suggested that such a public option is not do-or-die.

"All I'm saying is, though, that the public option, whether we have it or we don't have it, is not the entirety of health care reform," the president told a town hall-style audience in Grand Junction, Colo., on Saturday. "This is just one sliver of it, one aspect of it."

CLAIM: "I challenge you guys all to go back and see what we've said about this over the course of many, many, many, many months, and you'll find a boring consistency to our rhetoric," White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters.

THE FACTS: During the 2008 presidential campaign, Obama said a new public plan should offer comprehensive insurance similar to that available to federal employees.
In the first half of the year, Obama said repeatedly in speeches, weekly radio and
Internet addresses and town halls that he wants a health care overhaul that has
a taxpayer-funded public health insurance option. He has said the plan would
compete with private insurance to keep costs down.

"That's why any plan I
sign must include an insurance exchange: a one-stop shopping marketplace where
you can compare the benefits, cost and track records of a variety of plans --
including a public option to increase competition and keep insurance companies
honest -- and choose what's best for your family," he said on July 18.
And in a June 3 letter to Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., and Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., Obama said: "I strongly believe that Americans should have the choice of a
public health insurance option operating alongside private plans. This will give
them a better range of choices, make the health care market more competitive and
keep insurance companies honest."

Look, any time I talk about choice- I'm talking about MY choice. History has shown I am much better at making decisions than anyone else. Look at what I did for GM and Chrysler. They are now the 2nd and 5th largest automakers in the world. How about Top Korea- have you ever see chairman Kim look better? And lets not forget the economy- that speaks for itself. Just lay back, close your eyes and enjoy it!

Obamacare update (new health care advisor)

I've assigned a new Obamacare advisor to work toward a single payer system. He is a renowned physician, and celebrity. Maybe you have heard of him. His name is Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Let's give him a Big O welcome!

I first heard of Dr. Jack some years ago. His cutting edge treatment of terminal patients led to a 100% customer satisfaction rate. As a matter of fact, not one single customer of Dr. Jack has ever complained!

Rahm and David Axelrod had both carefully vetted Dr. Jack. They assure me that he has the necessary skill to make the hard decisions that are sometimes necessary when taking on a project this size. Dr. Jack has already sold me on "substantial savings due to customer attrition". I'm not sure what that means, but I know that we need to start pinching pennies, so it must be a good thing.

On a separate note, Joey B. stopped by just after I appointed Dr. Jack. Joe is always looking out for me. He said I looked a little peaked, and offered to set up an appoint meant with Dr. jack for me. What a guy! If we all had more friends like that, we wouldn’t need health care reform...