Operation Urgent Fritter (Part 2)

As rode in the cab towards Dulles Airport, I had a thought "Cheese and crackers! We can't use our passports!." If we used our own, we would soon be discovered. I thought that maybe the cabbie would know someone that could help me score a couple of passports.

"Ahmed, my man, I need to get out of the country, fast."

The cabbie looked me up and down and said "First, my name is Habib. Secondly, I must ask this only because of your ridiculous justice system, are you a policeman?"

I answered no, and the cabbie looked at Geithner. He noticed that we had found our way from Arlington, near the CIA headquarters. He then had a thought of his own. "He looks sick- where are you headed?"

I said "Tel Aviv", and Habib answered "ASSALAMU ALAYKUM, brother!" He continued on "TAHMID! TAKBIR, for sending you to us! We must get you some acceptable clothing. What a disguise you used to get by the Zionist Pigs!"

I'm not sure what all that means, but the cabbie drove us to an empty warehouse and gave us new clothes- including a very special vest for Tim. He gave me a cell phone and told me that when we get to our destination on Shenkin st., I should hit 'redial' and Allah would deliver to us a great victory. I knew that the Blackhawks were to start the Conference Finals this week, so I was all for a great victory. After we dressed the cabbie took us to an airstrip, and we boarded a small private plane and were off to Tel Aviv. These guys were very generous!

I had brought my iPod. I thought I would finally have a chance to listen to a new "book on tape" mp3 (reading is SO boring) that Michelle had purchased for me. I couldn't wait to start listing. I'm a big history fan- I believe we can learn from our mistakes, so I was eager to hear the English translation of Mein Kampf, as narrated by Harry Carry.

It's a long ride, and I'll update everyone in a little while. Can't wait to get those fritters!

Operation Urgent Fritter

Geithner is really coughing and feverish now. I thought to myself that
he needs the one thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better. A sweet potato
fritter from Orna and Ella's on Shemkin st.. in Tel Aviv.

I knew that the Secret Service wouldn't let me leave the White house
unprotected, so I devised a plan where I would take the delirious and
constantly vomiting Geithner with me, coach class on a United Airlines
flight. Maybe the re-circulated air would make Tim feel a little better.
The first thing I did was order lunch. As the Navy guy valet started to
take the serving cart away I ordered him to leave it and sent him on his
way. The mess servants don't ask to many questions anymore, they are
just glad to be away from Humpy.

Geithner had passed out by now, so it was easy to move him. The weird
thing was that no matter how incapacitated Tim is, he always falls with
his buttocks up in the air. He's kind of like a reverse weeblo. Anyway,
no matter how hard I push this guy, he contorts his body so that his
rump is pointed up in the air. I finally find a way to cram his body
into the cart, when Humpy walks in. We've discovered that it is better
just to let Humpy finish what he is doing. He is the most persistent
animal I have ever met. The problem was the only part of Tim's body that
was exposed was his face.

I felt bad that I had to let Humpy finish. Things were getting pretty
tense, with Tim's persistent calls of "Oh Bruno!" (respect yourself, my
ass).

I was worried that the ruckus would alert someone. I'm not sure what
that was all about, but I wasn't even going to try to get between Tim
and Humpy.

After Humpy had tired himself out, I knew that I must get a disguise. I
lured the Marine guy that hangs out outside of office inside. (What's he
doing out there, anyway?) I was certain of what I must do next. Being a
fan of Star Trek. I executed a perfect Vulcan nerve pinch. I thought I
nailed it, but the Marine guy just kept staring at me. Next I tried to
be authoritative- I ordered the Marine out of his uniform. I would use
it as my disguise. He looked over at Geithner (and Humpy- he had gotten
his second wind). The Marine said "You can hang me sir, there's no
fu__ing way I'm going to participate in what ever is going on here!" and
walked out. Oh well, on to plan C.

Bill had what he called "party attire" hidden in a false compartment in
the floor. Most of it was leather, but there were some other items that
I thought I could make use of. After discovering that all the Catholic
school attire was for women I settled on a policeman's uniform. The only
drawback was that it was also all leather. I quickly changed, and
started wheeling Geithner (and the ever persistent Humpy) out of the
White House. We hired a lot of former Clinton people, so I guess they
were used to the leather cop uniform. We were off and away!

Once I cleared security, we boarded a cab asked to be taken to the
Dulles International terminal. The cop kept looking strangely at us, for
some reason. It might be because Tim had vomited n himself, and I was
dragging him around in just a pair of spandex shorts he had on under his
suit. Between the shorts and Tim's pierced nipples (who knew?) he was
quite a spectacle. Finally a cabbie allowed us in, but he said he'd have
to charge extra for humpy, who had fallen asleep still latched on to
Geithner's face. I paid up, and we were off to the airport.

TO BE CONTINUED.