POW! BAM! WHOOSH!

I hate reading blogs. I always wind up upset. Today was no different, and let me tell you I am terrified. I found out that Batman may be running for president. At this point I was shaking and I knew I had to calm down. I immediately sent Air Force one on a fritter run, and sat down to think. I realized that I would have to get myself out of this situation- I can’t trust anyone. Not with all the spooky occurrences going on here. I calmly took a bite out of my last fritter. (Damn it man, where is Air Force One!) I had to think this through. It was then I heard a load BAM! Followed by a loud WHOOSH! Then the oval office started to smell of burnt hair. Had Batman molotoved me in some preemptive strike? No, it was only, my faithful dog, Humpy. He had tried to Kevorlkian himself in the fireplace again. Silly puppy! When would he learn- death panels are for people, not puppies.

Well, after a quick change of underwear I was sitting back on the couch. What could I do. I suppose I could try to hire Iron Man, and hope for the best, but I don’t really trust Super Heroes- except Jebus. So I asked myself. “What would Jebus do?” I don’t know if anyone had tried this before, but it worked wonders for me. I thought the first thing he would do would be getting more fritters- after all Jebus was a Hebrew. Next I had the Marine Guy that opens my door for me get me a white tunic. I think Jebus was partial to those. Finally the Marine guy came back, but all he could find were white sheets. Drat- it would have to do. After I covered myself from neck to ankles with sheet, I noticed some odd stains on the sheets- Bubba must have slept over again…

As I sat there trying to figure out what to do next, I noticed that my head was cold. Those big old ears of mine radiate heat- my leaving the rest of my head cold. Luckily, the Marine Guy also grabbed the pillow cases. I cut eye holes in it and placed it on my head.

I was now appropriately attired, but still didn’t know what to do. I thought I’d go for a walk. Cheese and Crackers- I must have looked just like Jebus because people kept staring. Finally I bumped into Helen Thomas. She took one look at me and said, “Hey big sexy, I haven’t seen you here since Carter was in office.” I didn’t even know Helen was a Christian….