The Beer Summit

As my loyal readers, I think you need the truth of what went on at thebeer summit. It started out as a nice day. Then Joe Biden showed up with the beer. Ihad given him a very specific list, including Blue Moon. I would havepreferred Goose Island, but I can't get that in DC. Anyway Biden showsup with Pabst Blue Ribbon. Unbelievably, that's not even the worst part.I handed Joe a one hundred dollar bill, and he brings back a 12 pack ofPBR and 6 bucks in change. Incredible!So Joe, humpy, and I are sitting around waiting for our guests, and weeach grab...

Planetary collisions

I'm not much for astralolomy, but I heard about a massive planetarycollision. I'm worried. I've already confused NASA to the point thatthey have no idea of where they are going or what they are doing. Then,to top it off, I overheard Geithner talking about a collision of "Uranuswith my Dick". He was quite excited about the whole thing. Usually hedoesn't get so worked up over the former VP, Dick Cheney.I got to thinking. It doesn't take an idiot to realize that any contactbetween Uranus and Dick would be catastrophic. So, I propose that wewrap dick...

Biden

Just to clarify. I didn't say Biden was an enormous asset. I said he was an enormous ass...

First crapper funds restroom complete.

Well, looks like my legacy is, well, in the crapper! I flew a photographer out to take a picture of the first Crapper completed with stimulus funds, and I must say that the work is remarkable. Especially when judged against other government work. In a word, or 7, it sums up the whole Obama experience! This, America, is why you made the right choice in November. Speaker Pelosi, Sen. Reid and I could not be happier with the results of this stimulus...

Barry is back!

We'll I'm back. Sorry I haven't written in a while, but I've been alittle depressed by the latest tracking polls. You see, I know thateveryone loves me because Rahm keeps telling me so. I'm just a littleconfused by the numbers. That's when I had an idea. I knew that I had tofind a way to use the stimulus funds in a way that would truly benefiteveryone. Then, and only then, could America show it's love for meagain. I thought long and hard, but I was coming up blank. Then I overheard TimGeithner while he was on the phone. He was complaining about...

Health care made simple

I told you this would be ea...

Not again

Okay- Michelle is going to be really angry now. I got caught twice today. And what's the worst part about this? Sarkosy is looking at me again. What the hell? Every time a hottie bends over in front of us, he's staring at me. I'm really uncomfortable now...

Caption me!

Okay- this is why Michelle is angry with me, but you have to admit that is (as Bill would say) a sweet, sweet ass.The real problem here, isnt so much that I was about to swat Mayora Taveras on the bum (I'm a Democrat and we get away with that sort of thing), it's that she is only 16. That and I think Sarkozy may have been checking me out...Anyhow, please add your own caption in the remarks.Ci...

A true (liberal) nightmare.

Michelle is not talking to me. I seemed to have offended her somehow,and in fact slept on the couch in the oval office last night. I don'tknow if it was being a tall man sleeping on a short couch, or what, butit was a pretty uncomfortable night. It gave me nightmares.I dreamt that I was living in a land where the only tax was this thingcalled a "fair tax". It's like the sales tax I want to use to fundhealthcare, only it would REPLACE THE INCOME TAX. I still shudderthinking about it. This was a strange and horrible place that I wasdreaming of. The...

Drooz- your country needs you

presidentbarryo@yahoo....

G8

MSNBC ran the headline that the group of 8 and I recently tackled theglobal economy. I wouldn't really say we tackled it, as much assubjugated the economy in a complete takedown. No doubt about it- wekicked it's ass. It's going to take years to recov...

No one tagged me. :(

Well, no one bothered to tag me in this fun little game of "10 thingsabout me". You are all a bunch of haters. Except for Humpy- he trulyunderstands me. Here's my list anyway...1. Did you know that I know where Osama is? Yep, I've known all along- Ijust looked at the return address on his campaign contributions!2. Did you know that I own a car company? (Yea! We all own a carcompany!)3. Did you know that my genitals have permanently shrunk? Extremely lowtestosterone is why I won't confront Hugo Chavez. Ahhh, Hugo. Nowthere's a guy a pair THIS BIG!4....

Al Gore dropped by today

Al Gore stopped by today. You wouldn't believe how much that guy sweats.He blames global warming, but Bill had the thermostat permanently set to58 degrees when he was in the oval office. He said it improved his view,whatever that means. Anyway, Gore is always sweating. He actually leavesthe seat wet when he stands up. It's disgusting....Anyway, he was sweating even worse than normal today. He was wearing anarmy helmet and what appeared to be an accessorizing vest. He said I hadto save the world from the climate Nazi's. This intrigued me, as newlycrowned...

Important decisions.

As you may have heard, today I met President Dmitry Medvedev. My guys(the main stream media) will tell you that it's about arms control andmending broken fences. But we touched on some pretty important things."Barry, how you are doing? In Soviet Russia we are doing goodly!", saidmy old pal Dmitry."We are doing well, you big old cuddly bear!" I said as we exchangedwhat Rahm calls "Euro-fag kisses"."The world. It is a dangerous place, with all that happens in the wakeof the Kings death..."said Dmitry. Curiously, as soon as he mentionedMichael Jackson...

CIA and MJ

"Mr. President, there's someone to see you from Foggy Bottom...""Saggy bottom", I answered. "Perhaps some crunches are in order""No Mr. President, I mean the CIA. He's here with Rahm""Well show them in."It was good to see Rahm. He's so busy running the country that I don't get to see him as much as I used to. He strode in confidently with a thoroughly non-descript man. Probably in his forties. He could have been anyone.Rahm said "We have an important briefing for you."The CIA Guy answered "Do we? I haven't decided yet.""He has met Drooz" answered...

PDA

I know that many people show grief in different ways. It appears that Rev. Al Sharpton was so distressed by the death of Michael Jackson that he decided to grind his sorrow away. A little PDA always pricks up, well you get the idea.I truly hope that Rev. Sharpton never loses a family member. I can't imagine what would happen (in public) then. I just pray that I never have to see it.Enjoy this picture, while Barry O goes to bleach his eyeballs clean....