Barry O For President 2012

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Monday, July 06, 2009

Important decisions.

Posted by Barry O Monday, July 06, 2009, under | 3 comments

As you may have heard, today I met President Dmitry Medvedev. My guys
(the main stream media) will tell you that it's about arms control and
mending broken fences. But we touched on some pretty important things.

"Barry, how you are doing? In Soviet Russia we are doing goodly!", said
my old pal Dmitry.

"We are doing well, you big old cuddly bear!" I said as we exchanged
what Rahm calls "Euro-fag kisses".

"The world. It is a dangerous place, with all that happens in the wake
of the Kings death..."said Dmitry. Curiously, as soon as he mentioned
Michael Jackson a buzzer went off, and the GRU agent standing next to
Dmitry hit him with what looked to be a sock filled with a couple of
rolls of quarters. It landed with a mushy sounding plunk atop Dmitry's
head. You could tell he was getting used to this- it barely phased him.
"You see", said an embarrassed Dmitry "Vlad Putin still has some use for
American currency. We must not speak of the current troubles in the

I was ushered into my limousine. Rahm and CIA guy were already waiting.
"Barry-" sad Rahm "you have to stay focused- we can't have you messing
this up, like you did with Angela Merkel." That brought back some un
pleasant memories. I still can't believe that Bill Clinton convinced me
that a slap on the bottom was the customary German greeting for foreign
dignitaries. "Rahm-" I said, "I a can promise you I won't be slapping
Putin's bottom today." I think CIA guy was relieved, because he started

"Look you Moron", said CIA guy. I looked behind me but couldn't find the
moron. To bad. Morons are funny. "Take this." He handed me a small fish-
like in those Douglass Adams books. I immediately realized that it was a
Babel fish and would allow me to understand foreign languages. I
excitedly jammed the fish in my ear. It was to big, but I figured the
fish knew what it was supposed to do. It was then I noticed everyone was
looking at me funny. "Barry," said Rahm "Why did you kill the gift that
we were going to give Putin?"

As I looked down at what was left of the fish, I realized that I had
made a mistake. Oh well, I put the fish back in the bag and looked for
something to wipe my hands (and face) with.

CIA guy was getting used to life in the west wing and didn't complain
about the fish. He continued to stare at me and said. "Let me do the
talking. Don't speak unless I give you the signal. I'll twitch my right
finger. Otherwise, don't interject.

We pulled up at Putin's dacha- it was a huge onion domed castle. Russian
troops were everywhere. They must have all been fans- they were all
staring at me just like the CIA guy. As the limo pulled through the
gate, and drove under the huge hammer and sickle affixed to a "victory
gate", I felt truly at home.

We exited the car and were led to a large room. A huge mahogany table
took up the middle of the room. Putin was sitting on a golden throne,
which itself was sitting upon a golden platform some 16 feet in the air.
Medvedev sat at his side- on the floor. Putin towered a good 14 feet
over Dmitry- who was wearing a ball gag. Geithner saw this and started
to sweat for some reason. We all took our seats which were low to the
ground- how nice of Vlad to think about Rahm's bad knees! The table came
up to our necks, and Vlad rested his feet on the end of the table
opposite of us.

Vlad just stared at us for a good five minutes. He was surrounded by
three men in fezzes- they looked like shriners. As we all sat in
silence, you could see that Rahm and Geithner were awed by the spectacle
of the throne room. CIA guy broke the silence by spitting on the table.
This seemed to amuse Vlad, he started laughing- and so did CIA guy.
"Brad, old friend it is good to see you!" boomed Vlad's voice over some
kind of amplifier. "We have much to speak of- including of why you have
made my room smell of fish."

"That we do Vlad, as for the fish..." CIA guy jerked a thumb at me. "You
know how it is..." they both then started to laugh and point at Dmitri
and me. They were then back to business. "You know, if you continue to
supply your shriner friends with nukes, we'll match you one for one with
our gifts to the Knights. We won't allow you to install a new king..."

"Yes, of this I have been thinking. We must agree to a new king, so that
this will never happen again."

"He'd have to be utterly malleable," said CIA guy.

"And none too smart", said Vlad

"Telegenic" said CIA guy.

"With absolutely no backbone whatsoever..." stated Vlad

At this point everyone in the room was looking at me. Yea me! I'm king
of the world!!!


I keep reading these, hoping that they will become funny or prescient or maybe even darkly satirical...but all they seem to be is rushed angry and unfunny.

I've made comments before but this time I really think I can fix this blog for you: try and work on the Obama character a little more. I know that sounds ridiculous but hear me out:

Maybe your sarcasm and anger for him as a Dem President wouldn't be so obvious if you worked some empathy into the character.

All good characters are formed by the audience having some type of empathy or sympathy that they can relate to. For a main character it is essential, even if we are to end up disliking that character, for the audience to be able to connect with the character and/or have empathy. A lot of times in movies or TV you will see the main character (especially one we will end up disliking) with some redeeming quality - likes kids, nice to animals, etc - without this the audience doesn't care and walks away from the piece.

Try putting aside your own immature feelings about old Barry-O and start thinking of him as a empathetic character that people like, thus making your snide and sarcastic treatment of the character more enthralling and less like a high-school slam book.

Good luck!!!

Oh, Barry O! For the record, Gary is wrong.

I LOVE your play-by-play of events and the quaint way you reveal your inner psychoses to us.

As for your kingship...I knew it was coming all along.

I am not comforted.


Thanks for your support. I think that, perhaps Gary spent a sizable amount of time inside a locker in High School (High School slam book???)