Angie Harmon

Angie Harmon hates me. I'm not sure why she doesn't like me, but I am doing my best to make people like me. Seriously, this is all about the 2012 campaign, and Rahm says I can't have people hating me already. Especially celebrities- Rahm says they are the only ones that really count, because the sheeple will follow them.

I didn't know what to do about this, so I called Bill. He rushed right over.

"Barry- I feel your pain. I too have been rejected by many a famous hotties. You should aim a little lower- have you tried to pick up a chubby intern, yet?"

I explained to Bill that I was happily attached to Michelle. I needed a different kind of advice. I needed to make Angie vote for me- for God's sake she just today said that the geezer that I defeated would have done a better job.

"Well," Bill said "I only know of one way to communicate with a woman- and that's to seduce her. Even if you don't want to nail her, you've still got to seduce her."

I thought about that- it made sense. "I'll send her some sweet potato fritters!" I said.

"That's a good start- but you'll need more. I still have some hook ups in Hollywood. Let me see what I can do." That is precisely where things started to go wrong.

Bill said I should make the fritters myself. Let's just say that the cold dough hitting the hot oil was an explosive combination. The flash burns on my retinas left me temporarily blind. That's when Bill offered to guide me through the event. The secret service gave me to high tech ear pieces- but they left me almost deaf- there was a feedback and some weird voice modulation that made everyone sound like tweety bird. I was almost completely reliant on Bill. As I sat in the President's private mess waiting for Angie Harmon. Bill spoke into his mike I heard him, just as I was supposed to. Problem is, my lapel mike was broken. Bill couldn't hear me, or anything in the room, at all. He decided to fake his way through the conversation.

I felt the cool air hit my face as the door opened. I waited for the Secret Service to tap my shoulder as a sign that Ms. Harmon had been seated. Moments later, I felt the tap.

"Okay, Barry- start out with a simple hello. Tell her that she looks mighty fine today"

I anteed up- I needed to fix this. "Hello- you're looking extraordinary today."

My guest answered "Well thank you- NCIS keeps me in shape". I thought that was odd- The briefing didn't mention that she had a current television show. We plowed on.

Okay Barry- time to ratchet up the "sexy" Tell her she has a "Sweet, sweet, bottom. Chicks dig that."

I didn't agree, but Bill is a legend with the ladies. I improvised "Man, you got a sweet can." I felt the impact immediately. Someone had punched me in the eye. The bandage had flown off, and I was starting to get my sight back. I then noticed that Bill had screwed up and called Mark Harmon's office instead of Angie Harmon. As the secret service wrestled Mark Harmon to the ground, Geithner walked in. He screamed "Yippee! Boy pile" and jumped on the secret service agents. This gave mark Harmon an opportunity to escape- he ran as fast he could.

Unfortunately, that didn't dissuade Geithner, who started his pursuit. I had to order the secret service not to shoot. Geithner has run off like this before, and he's not very fast.
If there's a moral here, I'll be damned if I know what it is.