My call with the German lady

So, I get this call from Angela Merkel- she talks like that guy with the mustache that's always on the history channel. Anyway, she said she wanted to explain why America is "headed down a Schlitterkurs". I don't know what this means- I assume it means "golden path".

Any how, she starts going on about how the Europeans can afford to be socialist because they don't have to pay for their own defense. That's what allows them to be able to afford the cost of their social problems. I started to ask "How so?" when Rahm jumped in and said "We got that covered".

I know Angela knew who Rahm was, because I heard her quietly say "Scheißehund", before continuing. "How exactly do you have zis covered?"

Rahm then got that little smirk on his face- frankly, it kind of scares me. "By cutting our defense spending, of course". Angela got really mad. "You can't do that- there are treaties und commitments. You won't even be able to defend your own borders."

Rahm quickly answered "We've got that covered, as well"

Angela was horrified, all she could say was "But, how?"

That's where Rahm laid out another awesome plan. This is change folks, so don't be scared. Trust me, Rahm knows what I'm doing.

Rahm explained. "That's where the Chinese come in. They have invested so much money over here, they must certainly have our best interests at heart. It's a win, win!" Rahm was really excited about this, for some reason. All Angela could say at this point was "Douchebag". Wow- that's the same in German and English!