Lunch

So, I've got this big red button behind my desk. It's under a secret panel on the credenza. Bush tried to explain what it was on his way out, but you know, the country wants change. So I pretty much ignored everything he had to say. Thursday, I tried to look at it. It had a label that said "Launch". I thought, hell yeah, Launch, I'm hungry. You'd think I'd pretty much be able to get a sandwich on demand, but with the food tasters and everything, it can take awhile.

So anyway, just as I'm about to order my sandwich, Bob Gates walks in. He screams "What the hell are you doing, you douche!" There's my nickname again! I said, "I'm going to get a sandwich- want one?"

Gates must have had the flu of something. He was pale as a ghost. He walked over and removed my hand from the button. He said "That's not room service. Don't touch it again!" and started to leave. I asked him "If it's not room service, then what is it?" He answered, "That's the real reset button for Russia."

So on Friday, I've got Mikhail Gorbachev and Joe Biden in my office. I wanted a good first impression so I let Joe do most of the talking. As I faded in and out of the conversation, I heard Joe say "reset button". I knew it was now my chance to impress. So I stood up and said "I've got your reset button, right here." I threw open the compartment and slammed my palm down on the button. Gorbachev must have caught what Gates had because he turned ghost white and started clutching his chest. Joe jumped up and screamed "Don't worry- Gates had it disconnected yesterday!"

No one would talk to me the rest of the meeting. On the way out Gorbachev said "Он действительно душ!" I wonder what that means?