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There goes LA

I woke up in a pretty good mood today. I was even whistling "Ain't nothing gonna get me down" as walked to breakfast (Raisin Bran, but I pick out the bran). Then I saw it. The family was watching TV- and I noticed that a massive alien space ship had just obliterated the US bank building in Los Angeles. I rushed down to my secret bunker (oops, scratch one secret- or maybe 2) and called for the National Security staff.I had kept watching TV while I waited for the staff to arrive. I bravely watched Cousin Eddie give his life to save us all. Then everyone...

Korea

My national security team came to see me today. They don't visit much, so I knew it must be important. They wanted to talk about Korea."Did someone buy me a Hyundai"? I asked. Rahm said no. Then he punched Geithner for some reason."Oh I know, Hyundai is buying General Motors?" "No!" Screamed Hillary "Don't you read the papers?" She shrieked.I answered that "Reading is not my forte." Everyone nodded in agreement."Mr President, North Korea-" I interrupted for some clarification. "Which one is that?""The one on Top." added Hillary. She was getting...

Even as a young man, I knew how to lead.

Here, you see me practicing to be president, way back in my freshman ye...

True Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Ohh, those lips, the beautiful eyes, and I am truly smitten. I just can't get my eyes off of her. And her money- think of the donations to my PAC. Truly beautiful...

A haunting experience of presidents past

People often say the Whitehouse is haunted by ghosts- mostly Abe Lincoln. I haven't seen Lincoln yet, but I saw something pretty disturbing yesterday.I set out looking for Bill Clinton- he still hangs out here quite a bit. I thought he might be able to help me with my Cheney situation. Usually when I need to find Bill, I head down to the intern pool. Since I needed to walk Humpy, I thought it would be a good time to take him for a drag. What I saw when I reached the intern pool shocked both Humpy and I.Bill was lying there, almost naked. He was...

2000 Followers

Thanks all- we have hit 2000 followers on twitter. We are also in the top 10 percent of those listed on "Top Conservatives on Twitter." Yesterday, we added over 300 followe...

Free e-book

Barry O is giving away free e-books to anyone that follows him on Twitter. Don't be a leader- be a follower, It's just plain easi...

I solved our economic problems!

I recently received an email from Sven Hesselbjok- a Norwegian barrister. He said that the united states had inherited 25 trillion dollars from a top Norwegian fish monger. All I had to do was release all remaining TARP funds to this barrister to cover his administrative fees. That's a net gain of 24.25 Trillion Dollars. Now I can bail out the NY Times, and nationalize everything! YEAAAAA BAR...

42 miles per gallon- and 1300 bucks per vehicle.

You may not know this, but we are filthy stinking rich. I made bazillions on my books and Michelle has always done her own thing- also raking in big bucks. We also take public transportation everywhere- you've probably seen us in the publicly funded limousines we ride in. In fact, this new CAFE policy won't affect us at all.It will, however, affect you. Your new cars will go up about 1300 dollars, and get slightly better gas mileage. This will allow you to feel better about yourself. Your car might be reposed, but you'll feel better about your...

Einat Haran

I met with Bebe today. I don't think it went very well. He kept talking about Terrorists. I wanted to talk about Palestinians. He kept saying it was the same thing. I didn't get it. Bebe just got frustrated and changed the subject.He said that he had brought me a gift, so I was quite excited. It was a box of fritters! I vociferously thanked Bebe. He continued to look at me sternly. He asked, "Do you notice anything?" I noticed that the fritters were shaped like a little girl. Bebe asked "Do you know the little girls name?" I said I did not. I love...

%#U^%#*!!!

Damn, I'm screw...

Bushwood

I used some connections of mine to become a member of Bushwood Country Club. It's not all I thought it would be. People shun me for what I am. I find that intolerable. I was born this way. I should not be judged this way. People shouldn't shun me because I am a liberal.Anyway, the restaurant is pretty good. I sat there alone, Rahm was going to come, but he couldn't. You know, he's Jewish. I pointed out that Rahm's record proves that no one is a bigger enemy of Israel, but that wasn't good enough...To get back on message, today's lunch special was...

Trouble on the homefront

So, Michelle saw me sitting with my WangUS in a cup of ice. When we were trying to have kids, I was plagued by a low sperm count. The doctor thought that icing my testicles would help. Long story short when Michelle saw me sitting there in the oval office, with my pants around my knees, dipping my junk in a cup of ice, and immediately thought I wanted new bebes. Now, everyone knows that I don't think anyone should be cursed with bebe's. That's where I stand- on a firmly anti-bebe plank. That includes my own bebes.Anyhow- when she moved in to consummate...

Who cares, they are Republicans

I'm not sure what the problem is here. It seems that a good many overseas votes go uncounted.It said that of 441,000 absentee ballots requested by eligible voters living abroad - mainly active-duty and reserve troops - more than 98,000 were "lost" ballots that were mailed out but never received by election officials. Taking into account 13,500 ballots that were rejected for such reasons as a missing signature or failure to notarize, one-quarter of those requesting a ballot were disenfranchised.So- to be clear. Disenfranchising a hundred thousand...

My plans for Chrysler (Obama GTX)

As you may have noticed, I'm calling the shots at Chrysler now. Today, I cut the advertising budget in half, I mean who going to buy one of those things anyway? Did you know that Chrysler actually makes cars in America? Who would want an American car, anyway?To get things back on track, I have designed my own car. I call it Obama GTX. Here are the features:Super fuel efficient Briggs and Stratton 148cc engine4.5 Ft/lbs of torque2 hpBig mirrors on the sun visorsSeats!Nike brakesBeverage holderAluminum mufflerVinyl windowsTo save on cost, all units...

I think I am going to try this.

I read about a man that hasn't bathed in 35 years.Here's the critical piece of information:Kailash "Kalau" Singh replaces bathing and brushing his teeth with a "fire bath"every evening when he stands on one leg beside a bonfire, smokes marijuana and says prayers to Lord Shiva, according to the Hindustan Times.I put some thought into this. It's kind of like what the administration is doing to the economy. We've set the economy on fire- as you can see we've burned it almost down to the ground. Most of the administration is on Dope (sin't it obvious),...

Why weekends suck

Those of you who follow on twitter know that I had a little problem over the weekend.I was watching a special presentation of Star Trek. I thoroughly enjoyed the move, although I'm not sure where William Shatner was. Anyway, all through the movie I was sipping on one of those 144 ounce Mountain Dew's. By the time the movie was over, I was ready to float out of the Whitehouse Screening Room. I ran to the bathroom and started to answer natures call. That's when I heard Geithner.As you can imagine, my first instinct was to zip up. As I found out,...

1000 Tweeters and counting

Trackcrat put Barry O at 1000 Twitter followers. Than...

Official Hillary Portrait

I got admit- she pulled off the perfect look...

My comments on Arlen.

Arlen Specter sent men email, complaining that I am not keeping my promises. Aside from wondering "what makes him any different than anyone else". I didn't think much of it. The the complaint hit the Internet, so I thought I'd comment• Specter said that he would be keeping his seniority when he announced his party switch last week. Harry Reid didn't keep that promise- he did not keep his seniority. Harry said, "He is a person who's been in the Senate since 1980. I think he should be able to handle himself." So, there there it is, right form the...

Budget is out.

Big dollars. That's what I'm all about. 3.4 trillion dollars seems like alot, but wait till you see next years budg...

My new magazine came today!

Now I have something to do today! Courtesy of Flashbunny....

It's the economy, stupid!

When I came in to work today, Geithner was hiding under my desk. He was rolled up in a fetal position, gently rocking back and forth. I tried to get him out of the way- my computer is at my desk and I heard Tetris calling me. Tetris is how I've decided to pass most of my time in the Oval Office. I tried other games but they proved to be to complex. I've been working on Tetris now for four months, and I think I am close to completing level one. As you may of noticed, I'm not always so good at making quick decisions. I hope this can help.Anyway,...

Lunch

So, I finally drag Joe out of my office. He's been hiding here since the Swine Flu epidemic. We decide to go get some lunch. He was hesitant. He thought you could get Swine Flu form pork sausage. Of course as soon as someone said sausage, Geithner sticks his head in the office. I don't know what it is about that guy- he's sausage crazy. Anyway, Tim didn't want to go for lunch, so it was just Joe and me. The Secret Service drops us off at McDonalds...

600th follower on Twitter

Thank you Conrad Jamrowski, you are Barry O's 600th follower on Twitter. (BTW, our widget works, it just not realtim...

I got this new game...

Michelle bought me a new game, since I sit around here with nothing to do. It's called Commander-in Chief. Geopoli something something.It is a very frustrating game. I feel like I'm completely unprepared to play this game. No mater what I do, the economy tanks, and Iran gets nuclear weapons. You don't even want to know what happens after that.I've been practicing- I even read up on the Carter administration to try and apply it to this game. After all, who knows more about Iran and a bad economy than Jimmy Carter. That went really bad. I just don't...

ACORN

We all know that a tiny ACORN grows in to a mighty oak. I guess that's why I get confused as to why everyone always complains that ACORN is bad. What's a little voter fraud between friends?Let me put this way. I am the mighty oak. My candidacy were the roots we put down to grow this mighty oak. ACORN was the seed I sprung from. The voter fraud is the filthy dirty soil that I planted my roots in.So, just to make this clear. My candidacy was rooted in the filth that is ACORN voter fraud. Is that clear n...

Dr. Rahm

1 TRILLION DOLLARS (waste...

TMI

Michelle tells me that TMI means "too much information." This usually applies to any personal conversation that Bill Clitnon engages in. Today, he bumped this up to a new level."BARRRRRRRy" he said as he walked in "How's it hangin, my man.""It hangs well, " I added. "Why is your face so brusied?""Well it's Hillary's 'Lady Time', you know, Aunty flow has come a callin'.""That's enough Bill..." I added as quickly as possible, but I knew he was in a mood to share."Yeah. It's tough on her, she can't use those wussie feminine products from Safeway-...

What happened before, happens again.

3FP here. Just thyouight I'd share this cartoon from an issue of the Chciago Tribune- in 1934. Could have been yesterday...

300 and counting.

We are now at three hundred Twitterers. That's three hundred more people than Rahm Emanuel has made love to (without paying the...

Economy update

I just wanted to drop everyone a little note. The economy is fine. It must be, because Michelle just spent five hundred forty dollars on new tennis shoes. They are pretty cool. That would buy about three weeks groceries for a family of four. That could also pay for a months rent for a single mom. Or a a pair of tennis shoes. The key here is, everything is all right. I enjoy four years of job security- hence the ridiculously expensive shoes, which...

My list of potential Supreme Court nominees

With Souter retiring, I have prepared a short list of Supreme Court Nominees. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below. They should be unabashedly liberal, have no regard for constitutional law, and also have an IQ below 75.The Smirking Chimp We share a deep dislike of President Bush and America in general. For this reason, the whole staff of the smirking Chimp made my list of potential Supremes. So much hatred and nonsense- so little...