G-Rod is my nickname for Rod Blagojevich. I picked it up from the
Chicago media. You see, once upon a time G-Rod was a media darling (like
me). He was such a popular figure that he was nicknamed G-Rod, sort of
like H-Rod the infielder or I-Rod the catcher, or the less popular
H-Rod, a former outfielder.
The media loved him, and his beautiful head of hair. We all marveled at
his beautiful hair, and his eloquent manner of speaking. These were
truly the Halcyon days of the Illinois Democratic Party. The previous
Governor, George Ryan had set the bar so low that we Democrats could do
no wrong.
After the barrage of political scandals that we unleashed by the media
and those filthy Norwegians yesterday, I thought we needed someone that
understood corruption inside and out. We needed to have the most corrupt
man I knew on our staff- so I personally called G- Rod and offered him
the gig.
"You're fu__ing kidding me right? f__k yeah, I'll take the gig, but we
gots to talk cash first!" Truly it was a pleasure to be dealing with an
Illinois politician again. You always know where they stand.
"What do you have in mind?" I asked.
"Well, I don't want no f__ing salary- I have certain f__ing expenses..."
"Okay, what do you have in mind" I offered
"F__ing piecemeal work. I want to be a f__ing consultant. Bill for every
f__ing hour."
"How much are you looking for per hour?" I asked
"Well, we are trowing (sic) around f__ing trillions here- trow some of
dat (sic) my way."
"Per hour!?!" I gasped
"F__k yeah!" G-Rod spat back.
"I'm not sure we can swing that- you know that there is recession..."
"So da f__k what? I needs to take care of my family. My f__ing family
has needs"
Such as lawyers, I thought to myself.
"Look," I offered "Here's what I can do. I can't offer you a political
appointment, or trillions of dollars. I can offer you hard work and a
shot at redemption."
"And f__ing cash?" answered G-Rod
"Some, though not enough to buy your way out of trouble."
"Do I get an office here? So, I can uh, make some f__ing 'friends'?
I thought the way he said friends was weird, but everyone needs a friend
sometimes...
"G-Rod-" I said. "I'll even bee your friend."
"He must be really lonely because he answered with a very enthusiastic
"F__ing Sweet!"
On the way out I heard him call his wife. "Patti, I'm f__ing in! We hit
the mother lode."
It's good to make new friends.
2 comments:
Oh, Barry O, I thought of another word to follow the word mother in G-Rod's call to his wife...one that more closly fits his liguistic style.
I laughed out loud at that. How did I miss it?
Post a Comment