Thanks!

We just got our 200th "twittere...

My yearbook photo

Barry here. Since these blog things are supposed to be a window on my life, I thought I'd share. Sadly, these picks were post Humpy, so no pictures of the first pet.As you can see, I was a hottie in High School. Check out Disco Barry to the right. To the left you can see that I was a b-baller even back then. My love of basketball wasn't just for the campaign. It also lead to my high school nickname. Brick. The guys called me this because of my propensity...

I have a secret crush

We have to keep this quiet. If Rahm finds out, he'll blow his stack. You see, my secret crush is on a Republican.I know, I know. You think I have a crush on Sarah Palin. While Sarah is chock full of MILFy goodness, my heart belongs to another. I'm speaking of Michelle Bachman. True they both have sexy Tina Fey glasses and both know their way around a homey euphemism, but Michelle is so much more than just another gun nut.I just love her, from the...

Quick comment from Justice

We have to take the spa appointment with a Hillary Clinton happy ending off the enhanced interrogation list. Both the Justice Department and World Court have determined that such treatment constitutes torture. For the record, Bill concu...

Approved list of enhanced interrogation techniques

There has been much made of my reluctance to water board our enemies. As I said recently, we can get the information elsewhere. To clarify, I am providing this list of enhanced interrogation techniques:Gift of flowers.Gift of chocolate.A "Harsh talking to".A spa day.An enhanced spa day (with happy ending provided by Hillary Clinton).No TV for a week.No cell phone for a weekA day at Six Flags (No Hello Allah vests will be worn by detainees!)Extra chores around the prison.Detainees will write a 300 word report on "Why I love the infidels".I hope...

Urgent Fritter (fini)

Humpy was trying to tell me something. Thrust right, thrust right, thrust forward and thrust left. That means Tim is dead! I knew I needed to act, so I thought "What would MacGyver do?" He'd have T'ealc take Tim to a sarcophagus. No, wait wrong show... What would MacGyver do?I knew now what to do- I sent Humpy to, ah, involve himself with the nearest police officer's leg. Then it was time for me to act. I grabbed the policeman's tazer. Who would have thought that a man dressed as an Arab in Tel Aviv would cause such a commotion by stealing a policeman's...

Urgent Fritter, Part 3

Well, the flight went well. I finished my book on tape and Humpy was preoccupied with the still unconscious Geithner. I had to separate them to get Tim off the plane. As we walked toward the terminal, I realized that Humpy was missing, and that Tim had apparently stripped down to his short shorts before passing out again. I saw the plane start to taxi, and realized I had to think quick. I remembered the phone my new friends had given me. I didn't know who to call, so I hit redial, I'd have to get my surprise early. Boy- did I get my surprise. I'm...

Welcome Arlen!

Rahm here.I'd like to formally welcome Sen. Specter to our party. Sen. Specter is a real asset to our party, and to our nation. His leadership on political issues will be welcomed by our DNC party leaders. He is a great man that will continue to serve the people of Pennsylvania for years to come. This change will be celebrated for years to come.Note from Three fingered Pete. I translated this for you!D-bag here.I'd like to formally welcome Sen....

Operation Urgent Fritter (Part 2)

As rode in the cab towards Dulles Airport, I had a thought "Cheese and crackers! We can't use our passports!." If we used our own, we would soon be discovered. I thought that maybe the cabbie would know someone that could help me score a couple of passports."Ahmed, my man, I need to get out of the country, fast."The cabbie looked me up and down and said "First, my name is Habib. Secondly, I must ask this only because of your ridiculous justice system, are you a policeman?"I answered no, and the cabbie looked at Geithner. He noticed that we had...

Operation Urgent Fritter

Geithner is really coughing and feverish now. I thought to myself thathe needs the one thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better. A sweet potatofritter from Orna and Ella's on Shemkin st.. in Tel Aviv. I knew that the Secret Service wouldn't let me leave the White houseunprotected, so I devised a plan where I would take the delirious andconstantly vomiting Geithner with me, coach class on a United Airlinesflight. Maybe the re-circulated air would make Tim feel a little better.The first thing I did was order lunch. As the Navy guy valet started totake...

Strange behavior

So, Geithner came into my office today. He looked really cold. He wasshivering and coughing a lot. Rahm just told him to suck it up and getback to work, but Tim looked really sick. That's when Joe Bidenrecommended that maybe Tim should stay in my office the rest of the day,just to make sure he was okay. Being a good friend I said yes. Rahm, andJoe high fived after that. I'm not sure why...

Come and knock on our door...

Hillary stopped by- and boy did things get out of hand.Hillary started out by saying "Barry, listen carefully. I need your attention"I thought that it must be important, so I put down my new Nintendo DSi and started to listen."The Taliban are 70 miles outside of Imamabad" "Awesome!" I said."Excuse me?" said a flustered Hillary."If there was ever a people in dire need of cinnamon rolls, it the citizens of Islamabad. I've been there- they can really use some sweet, sweet, sugary goodness..."Hillary was mad now. I wasn't sure why. Hillary continued,...

Introducing my new political advisor- G-ROD

G-Rod is my nickname for Rod Blagojevich. I picked it up from theChicago media. You see, once upon a time G-Rod was a media darling (likeme). He was such a popular figure that he was nicknamed G-Rod, sort oflike H-Rod the infielder or I-Rod the catcher, or the less popularH-Rod, a former outfielder. The media loved him, and his beautiful head of hair. We all marveled athis beautiful hair, and his eloquent manner of speaking. These weretruly the Halcyon days of the Illinois Democratic Party. The previousGovernor, George Ryan had set the bar so low...

So, the category leader in the blogger's choice awards has 26 votes...

Show some love folks- Barry O needs your help. I know that I'm an idiot,and that you feel like you wasted your vote. But, you guys like ThreeFingered Pete, right? FOR GODS SAKE SHOW SOME PITY- HE'S DOWN TO HISLAST THREE FINGE...

Wire tapping, fist smacking, toe tapping goodness

Rahm burst in on my morning bubble bath this morning. I'm used toGeithner trying to peek, but this invasion of privacy was new behaviorfor Rahm. "He was screaming "They got us!" My first thought was of the filthy, duplicitous Norwegians- they cannever be trusted again. "Was it the damn dirty Norwegians?", I asked.Rahm just looked at me with a blank stair. Like he didn't remember... "Ah, no Mr. President, it was the Republicans." "Ohh- politics, I thought." That was something that I actuallyunderstand. "What did they do?" My money was on something...

Bloggers choice award

3FP here,You may have noticed that we were nominated for some awards- they arethe same awards many of you have been nominated for. To say that it's anhonor just to be nominated would be a lie- we want to win this damnthing.Normally, only liberal bloggers get media attention for political views.As conservatives, the only kind of attention that we are likely to getis Homeland Security, but that's another story. Here's what I propose.If you vote for Barry, leave a post on this piece. Include your page atthe bloggers choice award, and I'll log in and...

Water boarding

This water boarding thing has me really upset. Just today I found outthat Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was water boarded 183 times in March 2003.Here we are, trying to make sure that this guy is prosecuted in a timelyand constitutional manner, and I find out that let him go surfing 183times? I really must talk to the Army Guy about this...

Three Fingered Pete's Pick O' the Day

Why Mommy is a Republican has some great video of the Chicago tea party, and a whole lot mo...

Medvedev and NATO muscle flexing

I hadn't noticed it before, but there is a bright red phone on my desk.It's labeled "hotline". I initially thought it was for room service. Ifeeling a little hungry, so I picked it up today. To my astonishment, Iwas immediately connected to my buddy Medvedev- the leader of Russia.We explained the normal pleasantries, and Medvedev shared that he wasjust getting ready to call me. He said "Vlad" was also there. So, I said"Hello" and asked what was on their mind.He said they were concerned by the War Games in Georgia. War is Gate'sdepartment, so I...

A Barry O vocabulary lesson

We believe in change in this administration- change that you can believein. As such, I am providing a list to you- my loyal followers. Thosethat "worship" me, for lack of a better word. So here is some changethat you can trust- CNN and MSNBC have already adopted these changes!Somali Pirates- Somali Coast GuardConservative Activist- Right wing terrorist Registered Republican- Right wing extremistsTea parties- Unauthorized testicular grinding activitiesRecession- Bush RecessionSpending Bill- Gravy Train (DNC internal use only)Iraq War- Iraq was not...

Barry O noticed...

A slew of hits form bunkerboard.com. Barry O is intrigued butregistration is closed. Please feel free to email Barry O at:presidentbarry@yahoo....

NSA

Once again I'm under fire for my policies. People are complaining that the NSA is spying on US citizens. Just to be clear, the spying I protested during the election was being done by the Bush administration. This spying is being done by my administration- so that makes it okay. Even if it is illeg...

Teabagging

Yes, it’s true. I was repeatedly tea bagged yesterday. It’s why I was “under the weather”. I mean, I want everyone to like me, so I went along with it.  They were in my face all day.  I was tea bagged on TV, I was tea bagged on the radio, I was even tea bagged at the Whitehouse. The tea bagging continued into the night. Those Republicans really rubbed my face in it.  It was so bad even Michelle noticed. “Baby daddy, why you lookin so down? You look like someone just hit you in the head.” “Yeah, I feel like it too. Almost like...

Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.

So much has been made by the report on right wing extremists, that I thought I’d add some clarification. Many things have been said about the report, but I want to assure you that this isn’t what you think. It’s not an attack on our democracy. It’s not an attack on the GOP. It’s merely an attack on my enemies and their means to effectively campaign in a legal manner. We know that not all “Right Wingers” are extremists.  That’s not going to stop our efforts to silence them. This isn’t so much a concerted attack on your rights, as it is...

Barry O is under the weather today.

He'll be back tomorr...

Virtual Teabagging!

http://teaparty.gop.com/default.aspxThree Fingered Pete fully endorses this effo...

Of poodles and pirates...

"So, ahh, what is that thing..." Geithner asked as Humpy savagelythrusted away at his leg. Tim didn't seem to mind all that much, exceptthat Humpy tends to vomit while "showing affection", as Michelle putsit. Last night was chili night at the White House, so Humpy's stomachwas upset a little more than usual. "It's my childhood pet, Spot, but everyone calls him 'Humpy'" Ianswered. "That's funny- that's my nickname at the public baths" stated Geithner-an uncomfortable silence followed. "I finally worked up the courage to ask Tim why he had come to...

It's good to have friends in Hollywood

Bill is always telling me how good it is to have friends in Hollywood. Most Studio executives are unabashedly liberal, and as you know, donated freely to my campaign for president. One of my Good buddies showed of his support of me with a pin saying that "Barack Rocks!" It's always good to have powerful friends. I just wanted to use this space to thank Phil Specter for his support, before he goes away. Maybe he can share a room with my broth...

Dog-gone miracle

Well, we were truly blessed by a miracle this last weekend. I talkingabout the dogs. Yes, I said dogs, with an 's'.While Michelle and I prepared for our new family pet, I thought back tomy first dog, whom my beloved toot nicknamed humpy. I wanted mydaughters to share the same excitement I had when I picked out mybeloved Humpy. I shared how important this was to Michelle, and sheagreed- we loaded up Air Force One, and the family was off to Hawaii. I still remember the place we bought Humpy. It smelled of drywall andurine. It was in a dilapidated...

Family problems

Well, it should have been a good weekend. We got the dogs (more on that later) and it was Easter, which has always been about how our savior suffered for us before we came to GD America to be stomped on by the man (for those concerned,we are still looking for a new church). Then it happened. my most beloved brother, Samson. It turns out that the British government think she is some kind of stalker, and possibly a pervert. This confuses me, because...

Bill gets a new hobby

Tonight is date night, we've got Geithner watching the girls and we'regoing to hit the town! I want to do something special for Michelle, so I called on Bill. Thiswas right after the chemical castration. We are putting the chemicals inhis afternoon Big Mac, so he doesn't suspect a thing. I summoned him tomy office for a little of the wise and sage advice that he willoccasionally dispense. I said "Bill, I need your advice." Bill was not acting normally- helooked pretty upset about something. "Whadaya want", he answered. He wassweating profusely....

Coincidence?

TOTUS now has a cast of characters- like us. TOTUS, if you're reading, maybe a little linky lo...

Today's Three Fingered Pete salute...

goes to Mark, for pointing out The Endive, a conservative alternative to The Onion. This is by no means marks Mark's only contribution to the blagosphere- please stop by and give him a re...

Don't worry about me. Worry about Bill...

Some people think that this job might be too much for me, you know, stress wise. I want you to know that there is no reason to worry- I am stopping to smell the roses.As you can see, I took a little time to picnic with Hill. Not even the war, the economy, and the fate of an American hostage could keep from my tea time with Hill.We had serious business to discuss. Hillary asked me for a favor. "I know Bill is hanging out in the intern pool. I need this too end"I told Hill that I haven't even found the White House library yet, let alone the pool....

Catholic controversy.

Let me go on the record as saying that I fully support Harry Knox. I recently appointed him as an advisory council member on the White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. It seems that some of his statements on Catholicism may have been taken out of context. Good Friday seems like an acceptable time to set the record straight. Mr. Knox is on the record as saying: The Knights of Columbus, a Catholic fraternal service organization, are "foot soldiers of a discredited army of oppression" for their role in a pro-marriage campaign,...

A three Fingered Pete salute!

Three Fingered Pete here- Just want to give a shout out to Susannah, for remembering what America is...

Economic wargames

Remember my brackets from a couple of weeks ago? Fear the awesome power of my mi...

A plan to end global warming

Conservatives have been making fun of me for my proposal to shootpollution molecules straight up in the air. They talk that thetechnology necessary to do this isn't ready. They say that we areplaying with fire- meddling in things we don't understand. There hasbeen a fundamental misunderstanding of my proposal. No new technology isneeded. I merely suggested, that from this point forward, Harry Reidand Nancy Pelosi should look straight up when speaking. This shouldgenerate more than enough pollution to get the job do...

It's Amnesty, everybody!

Rahm comes in and starts talking about Amnesty. I mean, we liberals justlove amnesty- it reminds me of Amnesty International, and fills me fullof all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings. I knew I was immediately forthis proposition. He had me at the word amnesty. Then I learned of the actual benefits. I know what you are all saying-because it's what I said not so many months ago "This is not going to bea free ride. It's not going to be some instant amnesty," but thebenefits of instant amnesty far outweigh the risks. The biggest benefit is we can finally...

Facebook

This isn't my real facebook page, but it's pretty good.Note from 3 fingered Pete:Barry does have a "real" facebook page. Presently it's kind of pathetic. Additionally, there is a Barry Ohh (facebook blocked my request for a more acurate name) fancl...

My first love

You may have noticed that I sometimes like to share my personalexperiences on this blog. Today I will share the story of my first love.Professor Trish Manley.It was my freshman year, I was full of hope, and the urge to try newthings. I didn't get many dates in High school- it's hard to ask a girlto the prom from the inside of a locker. So, I left my nativeIllinois/Hawaii/Nebraska for college. I was aching for new experiences.I had known that I wanted to be a community organizer for years. Thecurriculum called for a class called "Transgender Studies"...

The story of me

You've probably heard by now. Sony and HBO are producing a movie about me, Barry O, the most important man in the universe.I'll use this space to offer some input. I think the movie should be called "The Story of O". Can you think of a better name for a clean cut all American movie? Here's what I think the movie should focus on.The true story of my youth:Dad never liked me- he chose to leave the country rather than be my father. Guess who's' laughing now! I'm the pres and that bastard is DEAD.My beloved pet, Humpy. My struggles in school. No matter...

More Pirate Intel

It was Pittsburg. My Intel guru tells me that there are 26 Pirates in Pittsburg. They boarded a plane 3 days ago for parts unknown. 26 pirates- that's more than one per hostage. I want you to know that I have taken decisive action on this. I have dispatched a team of Navy SEaLs to track down the Pittsburg Pirates. This deed will not go unpunished! Intel has also told us that Jason Bay defected to the Boston area (I knew he couldn't be involved). The Pirates are now led by someone called Jack Wilson. Curious- that doesn't sound like a Somali na...

Pirates!

This pirate thing really has me upset. You know, I have some seriously mixed emotions. I know that it is bad to illegally seize a foreign flagged vessel with an all American crew. The thing that confuses me is how could a man as nice as Johnnie Depp be involved in something like this. He's a good liberal, and has supported me on numerous occasions. I'm really hurt... Oh my- what if Jason Bay is involved someh...

Was it something I said?

A new poll at MSNBC is a little depressinghttp://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29493093/Feel free to drop by and vo...

What really happened

So the news is out. Let me give you my side on what happened.Back during the primaries, I saw Bobby Jindal and thought- now that's a charismatic and intelligent man. I can pull off the charisma, but the intelligence thing, ah, is ah, well, it, ah, escapes me, sometimes. Jindal is well spoken and I had to have him on my team. So I called Axelrod and said, how about we truly do something different. How about Jindal as a VP. "He said no, it's Joe's turn." That didn't stop me though.As you may know, I went on to win the General Election. So now I work...

Editors Update.

Hi, all. Three Finger Pete here. I wanted to thank our Twitterers- we went over 100 last night. (We now stand at 108). Now, that's certainly not the stratospheric number that a Perez Hilton might get, but it's not bad for 2 weeks efforts. Add to this the 27 followers on the Google social net and things look pretty good. Thanks to all who love Barry...

How I met Drooz

When I got in today, W was in the office. He wasn't there to catch me up on my paperwork, though- he was actually on the schedule for today. We had a classified briefing that I had to catch up (I decided to go bowling on the original date).So anyhow, W says "Say hello to my little friend!" I think what the hell is going on here, a coup? I dive behind the desk- and nothing happens."What the hell's the matter Barry? Asked W. "Is that anyway to act in front of a guest?"First, I thought this must be a trick. Then I thought, well, he could have just...

Tourism

In addition to the tourism limitations to Antarctica, I have some additional travel limitations to equally popular places:MarsThe 8th dimension (The lizard people really scare me)Zeta ReticuliBut, remember- it's okay to go to Cuba, and it's okay for any terrorist to sneak in and live here. We'll also let Cuban terrorists vo...

It's Turkish Day

Well, Rahm said we were going to Turkey. So, I thought that was pretty cool. I mean, I love Turkey. And potatoes and cranberries. So I told Rahm I was aboard any kind of initiative that gets me closer to Turkey.So, we get on a plane (why was W able to get Turkey in DC and I can't?), and I'm thinking this is going to be damn good Turkey if we have to fly half a day to get.We finally get there, and they rush me to the hotel. No turkey. Then we go to meet some guy named Erdogan. There's this big table, and I sit down. I have my carving knife in my...

North Korea Missile Launch

Hello fellow Americans. I don't usually work on Sunday's, but this North Korean missile thing is important. My advisers tell me that North Korean missiles are dangerous. So I had a brilliant idea. We'll give them some of our own safer missiles. Problem solved!You must agree- that's change you can believe ...

Your country needs you!

And by country, I mean president. Me- Barry O.What we need is a a little love. Not dirty, dirty, man on man Geithner love, but linky love.If you have a blog and like what you see, please, for the love of God, link to us. Leave me a message and I'll link back. Also, please feel free to tell your friends. We also now have a little button so you can share us on Twitter, Facebook, or any other social network. Again, we return our favors around here, and we are close to hitting it big. Lastly- If you follow our blog on the google friend connect applet,...

A boy and his dog

Now that the girls are close to getting a dog, I thought I'd share the story of my first dog.I was only 9 years old. So young. So full of promise. So lazy. Toot (my grandma) thought that a pet could teach me responsibility. We agreed that a dog was the way to go.I knew exactly what kind of dog I wanted. Really, it was the same kind of dog any boy wants. Brave. Strong. Masculine. I took this all into account and went to Toot. "Toot, I want a poodle". Well she laughed and laughed, finally saying "No really, what kind of dog do you want?" I reiterated...

GOOD GAWD!

TRACEY CHAPMAN IS A WOMAN???...

The real story of the King what-his-name picture.

Okay, there's been some controversy over the picture below. I'll give a more in depth explanation.You have to understand, we have protocol officers and translators. Really, I didn't have a clue of what was going on. Just as I do in the Oval Office, I pretty much just shut up and follow directions. So here's the story.I walked in with my protocol guy, and he says "Follow my direction, and we'll get through this okay." So we walk in, and the king says, I think he said "Hoof ta hog toof". The translator says "The king greets you and wishes to express...

I'm not bowing to him...

Im actually bending over to kiss his ass- can't you guys get anything right...

I'm so lonely

I'm sooooo lonely. I'm over here in London and nobody likes me. Michelle is hanging out with the queen, so he's having a good time, but I feel a little isolated. I came in with all these ideas that Rahm gave me, and no one seems to care. I hold a press conference, and the other 19 countries hold their own. Why don't they like me?I needed to vent, so I called Bill. I told him what was bothering me and he offered his help."Dang, that's a tough one, Barry. I think I know what the problem is".I had to know- Bill was an overseas legend."It's Hillary....

Balancing the checkbook

I had a meeting with the Republican Leadership today. It was eye opening- I didn't even know that they existed!Anyway, that Cantor guy was pretty harsh. Spend this, spend that. I was with him until he explained that he was against all the spending- wow, can you imagine? After he left, I called in Geithner. We needed to talk."The Republicans are worried about spending" I said.Geithner replied "I haven't heard that in 8 years, what's bugging them now?""Well, Cantor said we are spending more than we have, is that true?"Geithner thought for a moment-...

How to secure your legacy...

I'd like to make one thing clear. We are all about accountability here at the White House. We insist that George W. Bush be held accountable for everything. Or at least every bad thing. Or at least 90% the bad things going on in your life. Here's how I do it:Travel makes me constipated, and boy was I hurting by the time we hit London. Air Force One used to be used by President Bush, therefore, my constipation is his fault.The car companies are really hurting right now- and conveniently enough, George Bush has driven a car- so it's Bush's fault!...

Arms race

Medevev and I both heard about how important arms talks are between our nations, and decided to kick them off early. We measured, and my arms were longer, but Medevev's were more muscular. We then thought we could have an arms race, so we both did "handstands" and declared that whoever could make it down the hotel hallway fastest would win the arms race. My longer arms paid off- I won!We were pretty tired after that, and settled down to split a bottle of what Medevev called "Old Boris's best friend". It looked like water, but made me feel funny....

What???

The queen already had an iPod- Medevedev gave it to h...

Strange...

Every time I say I'm going to have a meeting Medvedev, everyone laughs. It's almost like they think that neither of us have a cl...

I confess...

Conficker- it was me, Barry O.Okay, so I'll confess. Conficker is a government spending plan. Rahm designed it. Basically, the virus will grab control of your windows based computer and search for a credit card number. The virus will then determine how much credit limit you have left, and adjust your tax bill by the same amount. Finally, the card is charged for the tax increase.Hey, I had to pay for the spending bill somehow...

Off on the Road to G20- conclusion

We had a rough day, and I'm happy it's over. SSgt Thomason told us we should sleep during the day, and travel at night. I found out something about Geithner that I never wanted to know- he suffers from night terrors- even during the day. Every time we fell asleep, we would awaken to his screams. Screams of things that scare liberals "Free Market!" one moment, "Fair Tax" the next. The screams were horrifying. Finally, after Geithner tried to cuddle up next to SSgt Thomason, I heard a thump and Geithner went quiet. Unfortunately, it was already too...